The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
