I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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