No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
