She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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