Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
