I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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