he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize