I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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