the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
