I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
