Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize