i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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