We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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