is your mom at the bar?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
