I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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