Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
