You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
