Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
organizing the empties. That sober.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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