When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize