Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
then he tried to convert me to islam
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
