I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
