do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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