I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
