Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You did what with his pubic hair?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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