Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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