I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
