i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize