i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
