I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
