that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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