your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
