goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
