Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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