508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
