I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
