some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
bring money and cleavage
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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