I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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