thus making me awesome and them whores
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
50% drunk capacity currently
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
