She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are the jesus of drinking
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
