maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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