what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
