theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize