I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
