Welp...herpes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
