i don't like sucking hair
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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