How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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