I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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