in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
