I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
