we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
