Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
