but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
