I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
