Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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