You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
