I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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