Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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