every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
