Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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