Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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