Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize