i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
