omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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