i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
