Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
