Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
