What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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