just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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