im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
