My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
