Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
