and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
