I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
