i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
