white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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