he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
