You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to calm my uterus...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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