Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
