I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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