isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
