there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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