pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dick very happy bro
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
