It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
