I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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