nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
