so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
