maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
