Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
