I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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