I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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