If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
