he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
