I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
