I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My vagina is officially offended.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
