she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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