that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
