i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
