so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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