i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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