I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
