is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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