Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
