She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
